So ‘school systems’ were established, with ‘graduation’ at a point when people were no longer children (as child labor laws had come into play) but were also not adults yet, either. 18 was the magic number, that those who were trying to protect children and the labor lords were able to agree on. So the school systems were established to ‘complete’ a child’s education at that rather arbitrary number of 18 years of age. The good news is that we as homeschoolers do not have to live by that arbitrary number!
So what number do we use instead?
(answer: there isn't one!)
Now that we have moved past the industrial revolution, and into the information age, we have discovered, through studying brain development, that 18 is simply not the best time for students to graduate and be launched into life. Brain development studies suggest a better age for this transition from childhood, to responsible adulthood should be closer to 22 or 23! Unfortunately, if your child is enrolled in school, you have to play by their rules and push your child on through at the pace that is expected. One of the foundational beauties of homeschooling is that you can opt out of that pressure and you can, instead, follow the maturity of your own child. Following your child’s maturity (and special interests) is also applicable to curriculum choices. There is no place where this is more clearly reflected than in the development of reading skills. My oldest child didn’t read much at all, until age nine. Her daughter (whom I have the privilege of homeschooling too, now, 30 years later!) is reading quite well already at age 5. We are not pushing her, but she is very interested, and we are helping her follow her joy! This is something that it is sometimes difficult for new-to-homeschooling parents to remember. You don’t have to follow the schedule set out by the schools, not on a week-to-week basis, or a year-to-year basis, or even on an overall basis. There is no race, to see who can get done first, The most important thing to consider is what is your child ready for, and when. So if your friend who is homeschooling seems to be working on materials that your child doesn’t seem ready for, it’s ok.
Stop comparing! No one wins that game!
Which leads very directly to the next point: One of the biggest killers of joy, in the homeschool journey is playing the comparison game. You are not educating that other mom’s children, you are educating your children.
Move at their pace, and don’t let someone else spook you into pushing them faster than they are ready to go! Keep your focus on your child. Even comparing your child to one of your own other children is not a good idea. Each child has their own interests and strengths. Focus on those.
You are much more efficient than the schools!
Another key aspect of the ‘being behind fear’, that many parents are not aware of is that most of the materials that it takes the schools a certain amount of time to get into the students’s heads can be taught to an individual child in a much more efficient manner, and thus a much shorter period of time. This is due to two key factors - #1 - your child is your only concern. And #2, you can teach to your child's specific interests. Schools have to allow time for ‘group management’ - do you have any idea how long it takes to get 25 fourth graders all on the same page of a textbook and ready to learn? You can sit down with your child, and have the lesson done, in the time it took them to all get their pencils out!! We often talk about how it takes a fraction of the amount of time that children spend away at school every day, to do what needs to done in the day. But rarely do I hear that applied to the overall trajectory of the entire education. When we are able to modify the educational journey to meet our child’s needs/interests we can cover the material in a fraction of the time, not only in day-to-day measurement, but also in year-to-year measurement. This is in part due to the luxury of generally being able to wait for your child’s interest in something. A child who is interested in something will learn it at a MUCH faster rate, than one who has no idea why they are learning this thing, on this day. Good teachers are able to create that interest, if it is not already there, in at least most of their students. Believe me when I say that it’s much easier to create interest with just one or two children than with an entire class!
So, not only do you not need to worry about the magic ‘education is done now’ age of 18 years old, you can also progress through the material at whatever rate you desire. Again, this is one of the foundational beauties of homeschooling! Relax, and enjoy the journey!
The requisite disclaimer:
Now, of course, you must keep your goal in mind. If your child is potentially going back to a brick-and-mortar school at some point in the near future, you do have to pay attention to what needs to be accomplished by that point. But you do still have the freedom to approach that in whatever way YOU feel is best for your child.
Have confidence in yourself!
This leads us to the primary factor in beating back the ‘we’re getting behind’ fear monster. You need to remind yourself, almost daily, that YOU are your child’s best teacher. You know your child best and are best able to respond to his/her individual needs. You taught him to eat with a spoon, you taught her to use the potty, you helped him learn to walk. You are his first and best teacher.
Which means that you know what is best for your child. No Bachelor of arts degree or continuing education class can replace the intrinsic deep care you have for your child’s best interest. Don’t get me wrong, many teachers are amazing, but all that means is that you are even MORE amazing, because you are your child’s MOM, (or dad) too! So, repeat after me: I am my child’s best teacher. Say it to yourself every day if you must. Also don’t get caught up in the comparison game, and remember there is no race, not to 18, not to any certain point, your child will set the schedule. Bask in the joy of experiencing life with your child, and the immeasurable privilege you are granting them, of enjoying their childhood and experiencing it to it’s fullest!
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